The nightclub that is. Jupiter is the only nightclub in Buea and when approaching it in a cab its the only light that shines for miles around, like a gas giant in the night sky.
When we arrived there was a Makossa band playing and people sitting around skulling over-priced export staring at us. We were taken to a table in a neon-lit room where we listened to the music. It kind of reminded me of a greek mediterranean style bar with its tiled walls and plastic seats.
We drank export for 1000CFA, which i know is only a pound but my word, that's exspensive for here.
To get into the club costas 5000CFA!!! which is what i'd pay to boogie in Scotland. We were presented with a bottle of Grants whisky and two big bottles of coke though,which certainly sweetened the bitter taste in my mouth. I sat back and took in the scenery, mirrors everywhere with people vainly looking at themselves dancing in pulsing neon lights to a strange rhythm that i couldn't feel or understand. It looked like a club that Tony Montana from Scarface would frequent on the shores of Miami beach. We shook our bums to the beat and i drank sweet,neat whisky on my leather seat. It was pretty cool.
Then this guy comes up with this girl in tow. They said they were brother and sister and the formalities dispensed with he got straight down to business.
"You should take my sister to your country" he dropped that clanger as casual as hell.
"Wh..what?" i said nearly choking on my whisky.
"Take her to wherever you're from. Where are you from? he quizzed.
"I'm from Scotland" I announced proudly.
"Where's that?" he asked.
"It's down the road from Timbuktu" I said.
"Ah right. Then you will take her to scotlen....yes???" They looked at me hopefully.
"Eh, no" I said as diplomatically as humanly possible.
Meanwhile the poor girl hasn't said a word and is probably thinking to herself, Christ here we go with him trying to send me off with another white man to a country i can't even pronounce, far less point to on a map.
It was one of the funniest and funkiest clubbing experiences i've had in my puff.
Wicked, What?
Monday, 31 March 2008
Saturday, 29 March 2008
Cynthia
My next door neighbour Cynthia is a sweet 9 year old girl who comes over to my house so i can help her with her reading and homework.
She comes from quite a musical family who all get up at the crack of dawn and sing their hearts out...badly. Not one of them can hold a note!! it's actually quite funny to be woken up by a family all screeching away like a chorus of toothless cats. I wish i had the means to record it as it would certainly be YouTube gold. It's like living next door to the Waltons. They're happy though, so who am i to critisize.
Anyway Cynthia comes over and i help her read. She's got a long way to go but her level is far higher than i'm used to. She needs glasses as well cause when we've been reading for more than half an hour she says, "ay, my eyes are paining". I'd like to try and get her glasses but this will be dependent on the money situation before i go.
She's a funny wee girl and she gives me hell for smoking too.
"Don't you know you'll get a black heart?" she hisses with her arms folded.
"that's heavy, you should be a counsellor" I say
"Don't you know you're ending yourself?" Is her other gem
There's not really much you can say to that. "c'mon lets read"
She comes from quite a musical family who all get up at the crack of dawn and sing their hearts out...badly. Not one of them can hold a note!! it's actually quite funny to be woken up by a family all screeching away like a chorus of toothless cats. I wish i had the means to record it as it would certainly be YouTube gold. It's like living next door to the Waltons. They're happy though, so who am i to critisize.
Anyway Cynthia comes over and i help her read. She's got a long way to go but her level is far higher than i'm used to. She needs glasses as well cause when we've been reading for more than half an hour she says, "ay, my eyes are paining". I'd like to try and get her glasses but this will be dependent on the money situation before i go.
She's a funny wee girl and she gives me hell for smoking too.
"Don't you know you'll get a black heart?" she hisses with her arms folded.
"that's heavy, you should be a counsellor" I say
"Don't you know you're ending yourself?" Is her other gem
There's not really much you can say to that. "c'mon lets read"
Thursday, 27 March 2008
Ines turns 30
It has been an eventful few days leading up to school holidays. Firstly i got Meredith to cut my hair. She was rightly hesitant having never cut someones locks before, but with a gentle bit of cajoling and a demonstration on how to cut ones own hair (audible gasps from Meredith) she eventually started snipping away. The demon barber was born. It was much appreciated too as my hair is like wool that grows at the speed of light!!
On the 25th of March Ines was born 30 years ago. I arranged for the school on wheels crew to go out for drinks. A little side note about African culture here, when you invite people out for drinks that means you are paying for everything, including soya.
So i was a bit scared of 40 thirsty Cameroonians turning up. We managed to keep it intimate though. I made her a card with 'joyeux anniversaire' on it and put a few pictures in. I also bought her some ear-rings. She was sooo thankful, so unbelievably overwhelmed like i'd just given her a return ticket to the moon. Apparently birthdays aren't much celebrated occasions here.
Drinks were drunk and drinks made us drunk so much so that Ines was in no fit state to go travelling up a mountain in a taxi on her own. She crashed in my spare bedroom
speaking french in an unconscious state. Now one of the irrational things that scares me in this life are people talking in their sleep. I don't know what it is about unconscious speech that freaks me out, but it does. Especially when the person is saying 'merd, merd' over and over when you have never heard them swear when being awake!! Freaky.
Anyway it was a fantastic night. In the morning she said it was the best birthday she had ever had (humbling) and she also uttered the imortal words 'never again' with complete sincerity.
On the 25th of March Ines was born 30 years ago. I arranged for the school on wheels crew to go out for drinks. A little side note about African culture here, when you invite people out for drinks that means you are paying for everything, including soya.
So i was a bit scared of 40 thirsty Cameroonians turning up. We managed to keep it intimate though. I made her a card with 'joyeux anniversaire' on it and put a few pictures in. I also bought her some ear-rings. She was sooo thankful, so unbelievably overwhelmed like i'd just given her a return ticket to the moon. Apparently birthdays aren't much celebrated occasions here.
Drinks were drunk and drinks made us drunk so much so that Ines was in no fit state to go travelling up a mountain in a taxi on her own. She crashed in my spare bedroom
speaking french in an unconscious state. Now one of the irrational things that scares me in this life are people talking in their sleep. I don't know what it is about unconscious speech that freaks me out, but it does. Especially when the person is saying 'merd, merd' over and over when you have never heard them swear when being awake!! Freaky.
Anyway it was a fantastic night. In the morning she said it was the best birthday she had ever had (humbling) and she also uttered the imortal words 'never again' with complete sincerity.
Monday, 24 March 2008
Books and Things
Since i have been reading like a priest on Sunday here, more and more literature has been essential. Currently i have enough books to see me through the next few months, but when my supply gets low, i get my fix from books and things.
Books and things is a dusty little shack stacked with yellow-paged, dog-eared novels of every description. Once you get past all the Danielle steele, Dean Koontz and Stephen King novels, you can find a wee gem or two, it involves alot of digging and perservierence though.
One time i went down with my torch and a trail of breadcrumbs so as not to get lost. After finding old penny black stamps and amber emulets incasing mosquitos fed fat with dinosaur blood, i found 'cather in the rye'(which i've read twice but you don't find gold in a mine a throw it away cause it's not big enough) and 'cosmos' and 'contact' by Carl Sagan. Splendid.
Another time i was trowelling through a land-fill of books and the air was getting thick with dust and distant cries, i picked up this stephen king book at the back of this packed shelf and there was a bloody gecko lizard having a kip underneath it!! It had probably been there for years. The book was 'It'.
It's a cool place and it's cheap too. It is located right across from Buea university.
Books and things is a dusty little shack stacked with yellow-paged, dog-eared novels of every description. Once you get past all the Danielle steele, Dean Koontz and Stephen King novels, you can find a wee gem or two, it involves alot of digging and perservierence though.
One time i went down with my torch and a trail of breadcrumbs so as not to get lost. After finding old penny black stamps and amber emulets incasing mosquitos fed fat with dinosaur blood, i found 'cather in the rye'(which i've read twice but you don't find gold in a mine a throw it away cause it's not big enough) and 'cosmos' and 'contact' by Carl Sagan. Splendid.
Another time i was trowelling through a land-fill of books and the air was getting thick with dust and distant cries, i picked up this stephen king book at the back of this packed shelf and there was a bloody gecko lizard having a kip underneath it!! It had probably been there for years. The book was 'It'.
It's a cool place and it's cheap too. It is located right across from Buea university.
Friday, 21 March 2008
Buea school for the deaf
If you are deaf in Cameroon, you can't rely on government help, as there are no government state deaf schools nor any financial assistance to speak of. Your pleas fall on deaf ears. It's pretty shameful.
All hope lies in the dedicated work of the NGO's (of which i think there are only seven or eight in the whole of Cameroon!) to teach you a wonderful language with your hands and the knowledge that you're not alone.
There is one such place i have been introduced to by a lovely Texan girl called Meredith, called 'the Buea school for the deaf'. It's a very well run primary school with dedicated staff and very polite, attentive students. They all sign good afternoon to me, so i've definately learned that sign through repetition.
The class sizes are small and they are filled with an air of positivity.
If children cannot afford to pay the school fees, they can pay in kind (some families provide crops for education, which i think is marvellous!)
It's an amazing place and the owners, Aloys and Margerat (who's from the midlands) are planning to build a secondary school.
They're also giving me sign language classes at a very reasonable rate.
www.bueaschdeaf.org
Here is Meredith's blog for more insight into Cameroon.
www.meredithcameroon.blogspot.com
All hope lies in the dedicated work of the NGO's (of which i think there are only seven or eight in the whole of Cameroon!) to teach you a wonderful language with your hands and the knowledge that you're not alone.
There is one such place i have been introduced to by a lovely Texan girl called Meredith, called 'the Buea school for the deaf'. It's a very well run primary school with dedicated staff and very polite, attentive students. They all sign good afternoon to me, so i've definately learned that sign through repetition.
The class sizes are small and they are filled with an air of positivity.
If children cannot afford to pay the school fees, they can pay in kind (some families provide crops for education, which i think is marvellous!)
It's an amazing place and the owners, Aloys and Margerat (who's from the midlands) are planning to build a secondary school.
They're also giving me sign language classes at a very reasonable rate.
www.bueaschdeaf.org
Here is Meredith's blog for more insight into Cameroon.
www.meredithcameroon.blogspot.com
Thursday, 20 March 2008
Global raining
It's been raining big style here. Strong driving rain that doesn't relent for anything.
The thunder is the loudest i've ever heard in my life too. There was a thunder bolt hit a tree outside my room that actually shook my bed. My ears were ringing and i damn near soiled myself.
I guess it's all part of the experience but i really didn't expect the rains to come this soon. I've been told it's unheard of to get such heavy rain in March, so i'll chalk it up to global warming.
I know America and China and to a big extent, the U.K are the main conributers to carbon emissions in the world, but you should see the state of some of the cars here. They cough and splutter black smoke when they chug up the hill and if you get caught behind it in a cab, you and mother earth share a collective tear.
Talking about cars, about 99% of the cars on the road here are Toyotas. Really they have so many vehicles here, no wonder they are the biggest selling car on the planet, everybody in Africa is driving one!!. I've never seen such a monopoly since armitage shanks got into the shunky business!!
The thunder is the loudest i've ever heard in my life too. There was a thunder bolt hit a tree outside my room that actually shook my bed. My ears were ringing and i damn near soiled myself.
I guess it's all part of the experience but i really didn't expect the rains to come this soon. I've been told it's unheard of to get such heavy rain in March, so i'll chalk it up to global warming.
I know America and China and to a big extent, the U.K are the main conributers to carbon emissions in the world, but you should see the state of some of the cars here. They cough and splutter black smoke when they chug up the hill and if you get caught behind it in a cab, you and mother earth share a collective tear.
Talking about cars, about 99% of the cars on the road here are Toyotas. Really they have so many vehicles here, no wonder they are the biggest selling car on the planet, everybody in Africa is driving one!!. I've never seen such a monopoly since armitage shanks got into the shunky business!!
Tuesday, 18 March 2008
Vocational unit
So here i am, on my lonesome with UAC, the only foreign volunteer and it seems, the only white man in Cameroon. I'm being melodramatic of course, it's just weird living alone in this big house with only tarantulas for company!!
I'm extremely busy at the moment with school on wheels, remedial reading and now the vocational unit. The vocational department is one of the programmes at UAC which offers woodwork, electricity and painting classes to teenagers who are keen to get a trade under their belts. The kids all seem lovely, but i realise it's going to be hard work as their english and maths skills vary dramatically. I'll try my best though and hopefully i can depart some knowledge to them, but maybe not on long division.
My first class with them is today so i hope they take it easy on me.
I'm extremely busy at the moment with school on wheels, remedial reading and now the vocational unit. The vocational department is one of the programmes at UAC which offers woodwork, electricity and painting classes to teenagers who are keen to get a trade under their belts. The kids all seem lovely, but i realise it's going to be hard work as their english and maths skills vary dramatically. I'll try my best though and hopefully i can depart some knowledge to them, but maybe not on long division.
My first class with them is today so i hope they take it easy on me.
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