I've been to Jupiter

The nightclub that is. Jupiter is the only nightclub in Buea and when approaching it in a cab its the only light that shines for miles around, like a gas giant in the night sky.

When we arrived there was a Makossa band playing and people sitting around skulling over-priced export staring at us. We were taken to a table in a neon-lit room where we listened to the music. It kind of reminded me of a greek mediterranean style bar with its tiled walls and plastic seats.
We drank export for 1000CFA, which i know is only a pound but my word, that's exspensive for here.

To get into the club costas 5000CFA!!! which is what i'd pay to boogie in Scotland. We were presented with a bottle of Grants whisky and two big bottles of coke though,which certainly sweetened the bitter taste in my mouth. I sat back and took in the scenery, mirrors everywhere with people vainly looking at themselves dancing in pulsing neon lights to a strange rhythm that i couldn't feel or understand. It looked like a club that Tony Montana from Scarface would frequent on the shores of Miami beach. We shook our bums to the beat and i drank sweet,neat whisky on my leather seat. It was pretty cool.

Then this guy comes up with this girl in tow. They said they were brother and sister and the formalities dispensed with he got straight down to business.

"You should take my sister to your country" he dropped that clanger as casual as hell.
"Wh..what?" i said nearly choking on my whisky.
"Take her to wherever you're from. Where are you from? he quizzed.
"I'm from Scotland" I announced proudly.
"Where's that?" he asked.
"It's down the road from Timbuktu" I said.
"Ah right. Then you will take her to scotlen....yes???" They looked at me hopefully.
"Eh, no" I said as diplomatically as humanly possible.

Meanwhile the poor girl hasn't said a word and is probably thinking to herself, Christ here we go with him trying to send me off with another white man to a country i can't even pronounce, far less point to on a map.

It was one of the funniest and funkiest clubbing experiences i've had in my puff.
Wicked, What?