Monday 31 March 2008

I've been to Jupiter

The nightclub that is. Jupiter is the only nightclub in Buea and when approaching it in a cab its the only light that shines for miles around, like a gas giant in the night sky.

When we arrived there was a Makossa band playing and people sitting around skulling over-priced export staring at us. We were taken to a table in a neon-lit room where we listened to the music. It kind of reminded me of a greek mediterranean style bar with its tiled walls and plastic seats.
We drank export for 1000CFA, which i know is only a pound but my word, that's exspensive for here.

To get into the club costas 5000CFA!!! which is what i'd pay to boogie in Scotland. We were presented with a bottle of Grants whisky and two big bottles of coke though,which certainly sweetened the bitter taste in my mouth. I sat back and took in the scenery, mirrors everywhere with people vainly looking at themselves dancing in pulsing neon lights to a strange rhythm that i couldn't feel or understand. It looked like a club that Tony Montana from Scarface would frequent on the shores of Miami beach. We shook our bums to the beat and i drank sweet,neat whisky on my leather seat. It was pretty cool.

Then this guy comes up with this girl in tow. They said they were brother and sister and the formalities dispensed with he got straight down to business.

"You should take my sister to your country" he dropped that clanger as casual as hell.
"Wh..what?" i said nearly choking on my whisky.
"Take her to wherever you're from. Where are you from? he quizzed.
"I'm from Scotland" I announced proudly.
"Where's that?" he asked.
"It's down the road from Timbuktu" I said.
"Ah right. Then you will take her to scotlen....yes???" They looked at me hopefully.
"Eh, no" I said as diplomatically as humanly possible.

Meanwhile the poor girl hasn't said a word and is probably thinking to herself, Christ here we go with him trying to send me off with another white man to a country i can't even pronounce, far less point to on a map.

It was one of the funniest and funkiest clubbing experiences i've had in my puff.
Wicked, What?

Saturday 29 March 2008

Cynthia

My next door neighbour Cynthia is a sweet 9 year old girl who comes over to my house so i can help her with her reading and homework.

She comes from quite a musical family who all get up at the crack of dawn and sing their hearts out...badly. Not one of them can hold a note!! it's actually quite funny to be woken up by a family all screeching away like a chorus of toothless cats. I wish i had the means to record it as it would certainly be YouTube gold. It's like living next door to the Waltons. They're happy though, so who am i to critisize.

Anyway Cynthia comes over and i help her read. She's got a long way to go but her level is far higher than i'm used to. She needs glasses as well cause when we've been reading for more than half an hour she says, "ay, my eyes are paining". I'd like to try and get her glasses but this will be dependent on the money situation before i go.

She's a funny wee girl and she gives me hell for smoking too.
"Don't you know you'll get a black heart?" she hisses with her arms folded.
"that's heavy, you should be a counsellor" I say
"Don't you know you're ending yourself?" Is her other gem
There's not really much you can say to that. "c'mon lets read"

Thursday 27 March 2008

Ines turns 30

It has been an eventful few days leading up to school holidays. Firstly i got Meredith to cut my hair. She was rightly hesitant having never cut someones locks before, but with a gentle bit of cajoling and a demonstration on how to cut ones own hair (audible gasps from Meredith) she eventually started snipping away. The demon barber was born. It was much appreciated too as my hair is like wool that grows at the speed of light!!

On the 25th of March Ines was born 30 years ago. I arranged for the school on wheels crew to go out for drinks. A little side note about African culture here, when you invite people out for drinks that means you are paying for everything, including soya.
So i was a bit scared of 40 thirsty Cameroonians turning up. We managed to keep it intimate though. I made her a card with 'joyeux anniversaire' on it and put a few pictures in. I also bought her some ear-rings. She was sooo thankful, so unbelievably overwhelmed like i'd just given her a return ticket to the moon. Apparently birthdays aren't much celebrated occasions here.

Drinks were drunk and drinks made us drunk so much so that Ines was in no fit state to go travelling up a mountain in a taxi on her own. She crashed in my spare bedroom
speaking french in an unconscious state. Now one of the irrational things that scares me in this life are people talking in their sleep. I don't know what it is about unconscious speech that freaks me out, but it does. Especially when the person is saying 'merd, merd' over and over when you have never heard them swear when being awake!! Freaky.

Anyway it was a fantastic night. In the morning she said it was the best birthday she had ever had (humbling) and she also uttered the imortal words 'never again' with complete sincerity.

Monday 24 March 2008

Books and Things

Since i have been reading like a priest on Sunday here, more and more literature has been essential. Currently i have enough books to see me through the next few months, but when my supply gets low, i get my fix from books and things.

Books and things is a dusty little shack stacked with yellow-paged, dog-eared novels of every description. Once you get past all the Danielle steele, Dean Koontz and Stephen King novels, you can find a wee gem or two, it involves alot of digging and perservierence though.

One time i went down with my torch and a trail of breadcrumbs so as not to get lost. After finding old penny black stamps and amber emulets incasing mosquitos fed fat with dinosaur blood, i found 'cather in the rye'(which i've read twice but you don't find gold in a mine a throw it away cause it's not big enough) and 'cosmos' and 'contact' by Carl Sagan. Splendid.

Another time i was trowelling through a land-fill of books and the air was getting thick with dust and distant cries, i picked up this stephen king book at the back of this packed shelf and there was a bloody gecko lizard having a kip underneath it!! It had probably been there for years. The book was 'It'.

It's a cool place and it's cheap too. It is located right across from Buea university.

Friday 21 March 2008

Buea school for the deaf

If you are deaf in Cameroon, you can't rely on government help, as there are no government state deaf schools nor any financial assistance to speak of. Your pleas fall on deaf ears. It's pretty shameful.

All hope lies in the dedicated work of the NGO's (of which i think there are only seven or eight in the whole of Cameroon!) to teach you a wonderful language with your hands and the knowledge that you're not alone.

There is one such place i have been introduced to by a lovely Texan girl called Meredith, called 'the Buea school for the deaf'. It's a very well run primary school with dedicated staff and very polite, attentive students. They all sign good afternoon to me, so i've definately learned that sign through repetition.

The class sizes are small and they are filled with an air of positivity.

If children cannot afford to pay the school fees, they can pay in kind (some families provide crops for education, which i think is marvellous!)

It's an amazing place and the owners, Aloys and Margerat (who's from the midlands) are planning to build a secondary school.

They're also giving me sign language classes at a very reasonable rate.

www.bueaschdeaf.org

Here is Meredith's blog for more insight into Cameroon.

www.meredithcameroon.blogspot.com

Thursday 20 March 2008

Global raining

It's been raining big style here. Strong driving rain that doesn't relent for anything.

The thunder is the loudest i've ever heard in my life too. There was a thunder bolt hit a tree outside my room that actually shook my bed. My ears were ringing and i damn near soiled myself.

I guess it's all part of the experience but i really didn't expect the rains to come this soon. I've been told it's unheard of to get such heavy rain in March, so i'll chalk it up to global warming.

I know America and China and to a big extent, the U.K are the main conributers to carbon emissions in the world, but you should see the state of some of the cars here. They cough and splutter black smoke when they chug up the hill and if you get caught behind it in a cab, you and mother earth share a collective tear.

Talking about cars, about 99% of the cars on the road here are Toyotas. Really they have so many vehicles here, no wonder they are the biggest selling car on the planet, everybody in Africa is driving one!!. I've never seen such a monopoly since armitage shanks got into the shunky business!!

Tuesday 18 March 2008

Vocational unit

So here i am, on my lonesome with UAC, the only foreign volunteer and it seems, the only white man in Cameroon. I'm being melodramatic of course, it's just weird living alone in this big house with only tarantulas for company!!

I'm extremely busy at the moment with school on wheels, remedial reading and now the vocational unit. The vocational department is one of the programmes at UAC which offers woodwork, electricity and painting classes to teenagers who are keen to get a trade under their belts. The kids all seem lovely, but i realise it's going to be hard work as their english and maths skills vary dramatically. I'll try my best though and hopefully i can depart some knowledge to them, but maybe not on long division.

My first class with them is today so i hope they take it easy on me.

Monday 17 March 2008

Rain

The rains are coming. Torrential downpours soak me to my very core. They are preceeded by giant, jet-black clouds sprawling over the sky with claps of thunder so loud that they make your bones judder. Then it falls in walls of wet that makes the streets flood and puddles gather where new rivers met to soak your feet in waters deep. The rains are coming.

The rains are coming. People run for a dry sanctuary but they are saturated in ten seconds flat, the rain beats beat down on their back, thunder so high it sounds like it attacks the sky, it’s at your back, splash in a puddle and run for cover, count the seconds from the flash to thunder. The rains are coming.

The rains are coming. It makes a soothing sound on my roof like I’m in a giant marracca and the proof that the thunder and lightning crashing proves as adequate accompliment to the rhythm and the movement of the friction filled orchestra in the skies. The rains are coming.

Thursday 13 March 2008

Abidjan

If you decide to come and volunteer with UAC, I would recommend my local, Abidjan as your watering hole.
It is run by a very amiable chap named Frederique who calls me “my friend’ so frequently that it has become a running joke between us.

“Hello my friend”
“Hello Frederique, how are you my friend?”
“Good, my friend. How are you my friend?”
“Always good my friend, coke or export my friend?”
“Export cold my friend”
“Very good……my friend”

That is an exact quote of our conversation we had yesterday. He’s a lovely guy, he really is. Please tell him “his friend” from Scotland sent you, and he said you should call him my friend.

You can sit and watch the world go by and listen to some makossa music and if you’re lucky, Bryan Adams. Sip on some export for 450CFA (50p). If You’re feeling peckish there is Bobe’s soya stand right outside, which offers beef?? On a stick served with onions and a tongue-busting pepe spice.

Believe me it works!! I’ve tried it.

Monday 10 March 2008

Spiders

Personally, I would not class myself as a sufferer of arachnophobia. I have been known to carry house spiders at arms length out of the house with the tried and tested book and glass method. But the spiders here horrify me into fits of spasms and ridiculous jumps.

I told you about the tarantula in my bathroom that emerged from a hole in the wall like the beast from the land of nightmares, well now we’ve had another one just sitting on the curtain of the living room, just sitting there. It’s unbelievable!! And the last thing I volunteer to do is reach for a book and glass to escort the monster outside.

I’ve managed to get a few good photos of them with an outstretched arm holding a shaky camera. They have faces…that’s what I don’t like, you can see there ugly, wee pug face and multitude of eyes.

I wonder how such a brute could evolve over billions of years??? Considering that all of nature has an apparent breathtaking beauty.

I suppose that beauty is in the eye of the beholder though, as there are people who love these eight-legged abominations. I like to call these people weirdos.

Sunday 9 March 2008

The week passed

Things are more or less back to normal here in Buea. When I say normal I use it in the loosest sense of the word, there’s still chickens digging holes in front of my house and staring at me and gravity defying lizards walking on my roof.

As far as the strike is concerned, it’s all over, for now. There is still clearly a bubbling resentment under the surface of peoples’ opinions like the lava that will one day rain down from Mount Cameroon when the pressure gets to high.

Food is re-stocked and there is cold beer to enjoy. The roads have returned to their previous chaotic state of incessant car horns and dangerous manoeuvers.

I’ve mainly been teaching with the school on wheels and remedial reading programmes. They’re going very well but sometimes the kids are hard to control when they’re hopped up on sugar and life. Steven Ndive (a teacher of class 4 at jamandianle) has joined the school on wheels programme and his help is much appreciated. He is also going to be helping me with the remedial programme when the other volunteers leave in a week.

I’m really enjoying teaching, I think with a bit more practice I could be very good at it. I like kids. I love their honesty and energy.

My french lessons with Ines are going okay. She is a hard teacher though, and she screws her face up when I speak in my franglais accent. I clearly have a long way to go. I am giving her guitar lessons by means of a trade. She’s gonna find it tough however, as she has the hands of a five year old child, but what she lacks in hand dexterity, she more than makes up for with enthusiasm and a genuine willingness to learn.

I’ve also started sign language classes at Buea school for the deaf. I know the alphabet and some other handy things to say. It is cool to actually say something meaningful in sign to my teachers, both of whom are deaf.

That’s been it really, once March is over I get to go on an excursion round Cameroon and hopefully see elephants in Korup national park. Also in April, Ines and I are going to go to Bamenda in the north, where she was raised, which should be both wicked, and amazing.

P.S I’ve noticed that a few people have been kind enough to leave comments on some of these blogs. Thank you. However, I cannot comment back as the computer says no, something about non-secure items that makes computers here make a farting noise. Could I ask that you e-mail me?

jwringe@hotmail.co.uk

Saturday 1 March 2008

The Queen of the Mountain

On Tuesday the 26th of February, Bonnie took me to meet Sarah ‘Queen of the Mountain’ Etonge. It was the second day of the strike so I was a little hesitant of travelling but there had been no violence in Buea as yet.

We were picked up by Merideth (a volunteer at Buea deaf school) and Aloys, the man who started the NGO with with his wife some years ago. The roads were completely empty when we set off for Buea town to pick up Sarah, who was due to give a talk at the deaf school.

When I first seen her I was kind of shocked as to how frail and slight she was, she does not have one ounce of fat on her she had a very kind face. She is living proof that you should never judge a book by its cover, because to look at her, you wouldn’t know that she is one of the greatest athletes that Cameroon has ever produced.

What follows is a short transcript of the questions she was asked at the school, I have paraphrased a little as she answered in Pidgin sometimes but on the whole I have got everything she said.

You have run the race 13 times, what inspired you to attempt it in the first place?

I am a mother of 7 children and I draw great inspiration from them. In the beginning I wanted to do it for them, I wanted to work hard and train for them. I wanted to win for them too.

Can you describe to me what it takes to run the race?

There are two stages to the race, ascending and descending, I don’t like to climb up and I am not very fast at it, however I descend very fast. If you are a good climber you can not be a good descender, so you must work very hard to learn one part well. Some people are scared of falling on the sharp, volcanic rocks. I am not, I am very fast at it and this has helped me to win 7 times.

How was the last race on the 17/02/08?

I felt ready for the race, both in my mind and in my body. I avoided water before the race and I only had two slices of bread to eat. I had worked so hard and I came second. The girl who came first beat me by 3 minutes. I really wanted to win this one but I am happy with second.
I ran it in 5 hours 38 minutes. My best record is 5 hours 22 minutes. It takes me about 4 hours to reach the summit and the rest of the time to run down.

Has the race changed your life? How did it compare before to how it is now?

I have seen many things change here in Cameroon and with myself, there were hardly any female runners in the race and now that has all changed. I feel strong and proud of what I have achieved, and I am very proud of my family and my sons who are very good runners too.

What are your plans for the future?

I have to run, I have many cups and medals and I know that sport is a good thing. It makes you strong in you health.
The mountain race is very hard so that is going to be my last one. I want to continue with the marathon as I love to run and never stop. I want to see my son, Pierro, run in America. That is my dream.
I don’t know what else might happen in the future, perhaps the government can make me an ambassador….

So that was the day I met Sarah Etonge, it was a pretty special day cause the deaf school was amazing and I really appreciated what they were trying to do there. I’m hopefully going to take sign language classes. The kids were great too and they really enjoyed Sarah’s talk to them.

When we were coming back however, the tone of the day changed, a roadblock was on the road. I’m sure some boys were about to stone the car but when they seen Sarah they thought twice. It made me even more glad to be in her presence.